Travel: The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World

THE BARE FACTS
Title: The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2005
Author: Bob Sehlinger
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons
Date of Publication: 2004 (the dirty sneaks)
Pages: 798
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: B+

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…Every ride, hotel, restaurant, nightclub, water slide, parking lot and restroom in the immediate vicinity of the biggest and most popular vacation spot on the continent. Located, described, and reviewed for your edification.

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
Me and the little lady found ourselves with a chance to spend a weekend in sunny Orlando. A little study seemed in order.

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
Anywhere you go, a travel book is going to offer suggestions on sights to see, and lovely places to spend your downtime. But Walt Disney World isn’t a vacation; you are locked in mortal combat, pitted against your fellow tourists in a battle to see who can get the maximum enjoyment out of their trip. To aid you in your quest, there are many books telling you how to do Disney right, but none embraces the concept of vacation-as-amphibious-landing quite as whole-heartedly as does this one. Through the use of computer analysis, Sehlinger and his team have devised a number of carefully organized, rigidly-timed touring plans for all of your potential destinations. It’s an imposing display, and I was certainly impressed at the work that went into this effort. Naturally, we completely ignored the touring plans.

This is, of course, not the kind of book you read straight through. You hone in on the parts you need, and bypass the rest. But there is useful information to be gleaned from the material you skipped. You may not be a family of five, but you can learn a lot about the mindset of all the families of five around you. For one thing, you can discover the startlingly high number of rides that have terrified children at one time or another. Who knew that the 3-D films at Epcot and Animal Kingdom could be so traumatizing to children? I mean, scarred-for-life trauma. Really? Are you kidding? The bug movie? Sounds like there are a lot of pansy-ass children out there, if you ask me.

The use of outside voices is what gives this book a leg up on the competition. The authors wear the “unofficial” moniker proudly, and take full advantage of the opportunity to be blunt. They have visited every hotel and every restaurant several times, so their opinions have the weight of informed thought. But they happily include reader comments, which sometimes utterly contradict the book’s evaluations. This is refreshing, in that it feels like asking a group of friends for an opinion, assessing their comments, and proceeding as best you can. It can be frustrating, though, to realize how far the width and breadth of human opinion can run. There’s always somebody who likes or hates something. In the end, you have to do what’s best for you.

A bonus for me was the inclusion of tiny bits of trivia from Jim Hill, whose website is a treasure trove of interesting behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the Walt Disney Company. He’s totally at home in the “Unofficial” environment. And at least once, he gave me something to look for on a ride that I never knew before. (Hint: members of the Hall of Presidents appear in very different guises in Spaceship Earth. So if you ever wondered what William Howard Taft would look like if he shaved the mustache and put on eye makeup…)

SHOULD I READ THIS?
There are a lot of guides out there. Each one offers something different. Birnbaum’s, for example, has the official Disney imprimatur, which means lots of helpful pictures, the best maps, and full descriptions of attractions, but no critique at all. The DK guide is visually attractive, but doesn’t have much in the way of detail. You kind of have to sit in the bookstore and decide what information you need to get out of a tour book, and buy appropriately. If a text-heavy guide with a wide range of opinions and carefully-planned trip itineraries is what you need to get the job done, then this is your book.

And if you try one of the touring plans, let me know how that works out for you.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor to The Greenroom .

Non-Fiction: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

The Bare Facts
Title: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Authors:Ted Allen, Kyan Douglas, Thom Felicia, Carson Kressley, Jai
Rodriguez
Publisher:Clarkson Potter
Date of Publication: December, 2004
Pages: 256
Grade that means nothing coming from me: C+

So Basically, It's About...
Five gay guys telling you how you should cook, dress, decorate, groom,
and act. Maybe not in such a regimented fashion as a drill instructor,
but still the idea is there that you need help, and they're here for
you. In each section, the resident 'expert' of the
group gives his advice on how to handle that particular facet of life,
from the kitchen to the dance floor, and the bathroom to the bedroom.
(*Decorating* the bedroom. *DECORATING*)

Why'd You Wanna Read That?
I was quite a fan of the show for a long, long time. The guys have good
advice to give. It's highly amusing to see how the 'Fab Five' relate to
and work with their victim volunteer, and heartwarming to
watch him go through his transformation. It's also occasionally a train
wreck, which is amusing in it's own schadenfreude-esque way.

And How'd That Work Out For You?
Sadly, a great deal of this is lost in the book, since there's no target
straight man, and much of the interplay that makes the show amusing is
simply not there. It felt more like a lecture from a gay man on how to
live my life. I've had a couple of those before. Didn't really go for
them then, and still don't.

The sections themselves do hold a few interesting tidbits of
information and are good primers into the five areas that they do
cover individually. I'll touch each one briefly.

Cooking: This easily comprises about a third of the book. Ted gives
some great ideas about wine (apparently his specialty) and about the
tools you need in the kitchen; however, there was little to nothing in
there about kitchen and food safety, which is an area I think the
average straight guy could use a little help on. Also, most of this
section is filled with recipes. I like recipe books, but that's not
what I came here for. I came for guidance, not instructions. At this
point I'm wondering if they're just padding the book.

Grooming: This was the shortest section of the book. If you've seen the
show, there's nothing in here that should surprise you, albeit there is
a little more detail than they can usually present within the timeframe
of the show. A good checklist of the things you should be using and
advice on taking care of your appearance is always good. In the show,
however, Kyan goes into more detail with many of their charges on how
fitness and exercise play an important part in looking and feeling good.
This was missing from the book as well. I have started working on the
checklist in there, and most recently, bought myself some facial
cleanser. I'm sure Kyan would be proud. I still shave against the
grain, though. Bad Dave.

Decorating: Arguably the best, if second shortest, section of the book.
Instead of going on about color palette and where to find good stuff,
Thom takes the 'know thyself' approach: asking you to examine what
you have, where you want to go, and giving an example of one of his
more brilliant successes. Thom makes good use of inexpensive and
practical solutions to common decorating issues, and talks about goals
rather than steps. If I were rating this section of the book alone, I'd
give it an A.

Clothing: The second largest section of the book. One thing this
section gets right is Carson's self-assuredness. One thing I really
disliked about this section was his tendency to give examples of very
non-conformist wardrobe and dressing choices, only to tell you not to
try them. An example would be the 'belt OVER the belt loops' trick he
is so fond of. He explains it, then says, "Don't do it." I'm left with
the feeling that they're padding the book again. He does do a good job
of covering different clothing styles and staples, and illustrating the
KISS principle. (Keep It Simple, Sister.)

Culture: This is a mixed bag for any person, and is a difficult area to
get or give advice on. What you enjoy is not going to be the same as
what someone else enjoys. Jai gives much good advice on how to relate
to other people, and his tips on cell phone and email etiquette are
solid common sense. However, this part of the book had the only piece
of advice I strongly disagreed with. I'm heavily paraphrasing here, but
the advice basically is: "Read chick magazines, like Cosmo, to get to know
what women really think and want!" Any woman whose life is in any way
remotely based on or influenced by Cosmo is not a woman I'd be
interested in. The advice to read something interesting is dead on, though, and strongly endorsed. The best advice he gives, though, is to be open to trying new things, to get out of the rut. Experiences make a person interesting.

Should I Read This?
This book has two target audiences. 1, Fans of the show: If you just
can't get enough of the Fab Five, then this is the book you want. 2,
Guys who want the help. The book itself is a good primer into the five
areas described above and offers some genuinely good advice on how to be
a well-rounded person. Chances are, though, if you're open to
receiving advice from 5 gay guys on grooming, cooking, decorating,
dressing, and culture appreciation, you're probably already beyond this
book. It's entertaining in its own way, but often comes off preachy,
which I'm sure they didn't intend. Again, the content is marred by the
delivery mechanism. It's an OK book, but a much better TV show. A+ for
the show, C+ on the book for omissions, padding and the occasional bit
of preaching.

Reviewed by: Maxwell.
Maxwell writes the blog Maxwell's Alley.

Memoir / Science & Engineering: ASTRO TURF

Memoir / Science & Engineering: ASTRO TURF

THE BARE FACTS
Title:     Astro Turf: The Private Life of Rocket Science
Author:  M. G. Lord
Publisher:  Walker
Date of Publication:  2005
Pages:  259
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me:  B

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…
A social history of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and a look at the people who build and launch rockets and satellites, dovetailed with the author’s attempt to learn more about her late father, who worked on several JPL projects.

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
I do find the subject matter intriguing. And an interview with the author in Salon was so instantly interesting, I went right out and bought the book. So, kudos to the press agent, there.

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
It’s kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, Lord is a charming storyteller, and the book is a quick, breezy read. But on the other hand, there is an essential confusion that lies at the heart of the book: Lord begins her investigation of JPL to try and learn more about why her father was cool and distant, but she discovers that her relationship to her father has origins far beyond the world of rocket science, and while we’re at it, the world of rocket science is not what you think it is. That confusion carried over to this reader. Not a literal “I don’t know what’s going on” confusion, but merely a sense that there is no one central thesis holding everything together. A sense that the center cannot hold.

Lord’s investigations have the feel of web-surfing. You know how you’ll be looking for one thing, and you’ll link to something else that turns out to be far more compelling. This is how we find ourselves in an investigation of gender roles in the science and engineering communities, or taking a side trip into the conflict between Cold War politics and homosexuality. In the most intriguing diversion, Lord provides a mini-biography of Frank Malina, one of JPL’s founders and a man who endures absurd persecution at the height of the Communist witch hunt, only to achieve redemption in a twist of delicious irony. Malina’s story, Lord seems to be saying, is the true archetype of the engineer: complex, deeper and more creative than the Dilbert-like stereotype.

There is a through-line, and it’s Lord’s own story. In essence, she’s trying to figure out how she got to be the way she is. (Her previous book was a cultural history of the Barbie doll, and she seems to be asking herself how one person could be interested in both dolls and the space program.) The stories she uncovers on the way to answering that question are fascinating. So maybe it’s quibbling too much to say that this makes her an extremely compelling storyteller, but not necessarily a great chronicler.

SHOULD I READ THIS?
Lord is a charming storyteller, and time spent with her is not wasted. She has provided a prism to look anew at the history of world of rocket science, and the people who are compelled to be in that world. She sees the fascinating people behind all the equations. I was glad to meet them, and to value their contributions in a whole new way.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor to The Greenroom).

Nonfiction: Television/Memoir: ”THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES”

THE BARE FACTS
Title: The Trouble With Tribbles
Author: David Gerrold
Publisher: Ballantine
Date of Publication: 1973
Pages: 273
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: A

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…
It’s hard to imagine that the opening paragraphs of a book could more accurately depict the contents to follow than do those Mr. Gerrold has penned for this volume. Therefore, I shall quote directly:

“This book is the story of a television script: where it came from, how it was written, how it was eventually filmed and finally got onto the air as an episode of Star Trek.

It’s a peek into the techniques of writing for television, and it’s a piece of lore about a popular TV show. But more than that, it’s the story of how I began my career as a writer.”

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
I remember this book being on my mother’s shelf when I was but a wee tyke. Of course, most of her books are now in boxes in North Carolina, so when I recalled this book and decided I wanted to see it again, I turned instead to Amazon, which found me a used copy for the low, low price of one cent (not including shipping and handling).

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
Quite well. Gerrold is an engaging storyteller, which is helpful when you consider how much of his tale involves a staggering amount of luck going his way. It’s easy to begrudge his success in finding an agent, coming up with a successful pitch, persuading the higher-ups to let him write the script, and getting the thing produced without anyone else’s name on the cover. However, Gerrold walks you through each step of the process, shows you all the missteps he makes, credits the people who help him dig himself out of various holes, and maintains a humble perspective that still has you rooting for him, even though his eventual success is never in question.

This particular episode – the one in the title – probably ranks as one of the best- chronicled shows in the history of television. That’s because Gerrold kept copious notes, which he turned in to get the final college credit he needed to claim his diploma. As a result, we get to read his original pitch for the story (along with two others), the subsequent treatment, and the final shooting script, all in their entirety. We also get extensive script notes from the show’s producer, Gene Coon, and the associate producer, Bob Justman. It’s a master class in television writing, complete with commentary from the men who actually make the show, and have very good reasons why one idea will work and another will not.

SHOULD I READ THIS?
If you’re even remotely interested in the construction of episodic television, this is a fascinating read. Although the TV landscape has changed significantly in the almost 40 years (!) since this episode first aired, the essential rules of dramatic construction - as well as the basics of supply and demand - still apply. It’s a breezy, fun read that has a lot to say about the business of making television. And if you like Star Trek, it’s a welcome departure from world of crazed fandom that the franchise is associated with today, returning to a time when it was just an ongoing story that a group of actors, writers, and technicians were trying to tell.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor for The Greenroom .

Nonfiction: Language: Eats, Shoots & Leaves

THE BARE FACTS
Title: Eats, Shoots & Leaves; The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
Author: Lynne Truss
Publisher: Gotham
Date of Publication: 2003
Pages: 209
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: A

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…The casual disregard for proper punctuation that plagues the English language, its ramifications, and the reason why complaining about it is worthwhile.

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
Advance buzz was good, Padraic Connelly gave it a ringing endorsement, and there it was on my mother’s bookshelf at Christmas.

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
A book like this is simultaneously refreshing and frustrating. Consider that the author rallies her readers around the cry, “Sticklers Unite!” It is a clarion call for people to enforce the rules wherever they see them callously flouted. I’m a stickler, so it’s nice to have the support. On the other hand, I’m a stickler, which makes the apostrophe-abusing populace brand me as a deluded fool, so it’s disappointing to think that I’m decidedly in the minority.

Truss provides a very thorough analysis of the history of each punctuation mark. Yes, each punctuation mark has a history; sometimes a very intricate one. For example, it has always been my habit to include a final comma in any lengthy list (e.g. baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet). It turns out that there is a name for this: an Oxford comma. Who knew?

Along with such items as the ethnography of the parenthesis (which the British evidently call “round brackets”, so you can lord that over them the next time they call us uncouth), Truss provides plenty of helpful explanations as to how each mark is properly used. It’s far clearer than any grammar book you had in school, and much more entertaining.

What must be said is that most books state a problem, go into great detail about the woes that will ensue if the problem is unchecked, and then spend precious little time dealing with the solution. In Truss’ favor, she sets up the problem, then spends the bulk of the book promoting solutions, and finally does us the favor of explaining just why we should give a damn. By that time, we do.

SHOULD I READ THIS?
Ideally, everyone who ever attempts to write down the English language will read this, learn from their mistakes, and go forward with a new-found appreciation for the important role that punctuation plays in conveying human thought. So if that includes you, I will recommend the book. Alas, there is not much hope that this will actually happen, so the potential readership falls into two categories. In the first, those who know the rules (or most of them) and wish to see them utilized. They should read this book for reinforcement of the righteousness of their cause. In the other, the people who don’t care at all and think that proper punctuation is a waste of time. They should read this book because they might learn something, and that will save us the trouble of having them shot.

INCIDENTALLY...
I have gone over this particular review with a fine-toothed comb to make sure that no errors of punctuation slipped in to embarrass me thoroughly. Nonetheless, there may still be a mistake in here, and I expect to be corrected, because anyone who wants to call me out is someone I will consider part of the happy band of sticklers.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor to The Greenroom .

Children's Fantasy: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The Bare Facts
Book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Author: J.K. Rowling
Publisher: Arthur A. Levine Books
Pages: 672
Year Published: 2005.
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: C-.

Summary:
Another year of Harry's life, his sixteenth. The war is in full swing, with Voldemort's Dark Eaters gaining strength and killing both wizards and muggles on a daily basis. Security has tightened at Hogwarts. As 6th years, Harry, Hermoine and Ron are now studying harder than ever, each of them passing the appropriate tests to get them into the classes they want. Dumbledore is teaching Harry private lessons to help him fight Voldemort, giving him history lessons on Voldemort's past. Harry excels in potions after receiving a used potion book that has notations from the mysterious Half-Blood Prince. In between studies, love is in the air at Hogwarts, with some of the favorites getting together. The war continues to get closer and closer to Hogwarts, with parents getting worried after students keep getting cursed, even on school grounds. Harry believes Snape, the new teacher of Defense of the Dark Arts, is working with Draco Malfoy as Dark Eaters. Dumbledore asks Harry to accompany him on a mission to weaken Voldemort. When they return, they find that the Death Eaters have taken over the castle. A grisly fight and tragic real-tears death follow.

My take:
Disappointment. Rowling struggles throughout this one to maintain her audience. It seems as though she is not sure whom she is talking to. The characters and action are no longer age appropriate for the 12 and under crowd, due to the amount of swearing (the characters all seem to be swearing, even though very few are actually written out), snogging (their word for some serious horizontal lip-locking) and violence. Yet, Rowling writes in a voice that is condescending to both children and adults. She wrestles with the voice of the book, even going as far as having the characters say in their dialogue what is important to remember.

In addition, she spends the first 135 pages of the book in a massive recap of what has already happened, as if she cannot fathom her readers could possible remember. She liberally sprinkles reminders from her other books throughout the rest of the text, which are so gratuitous that it feels like she's either being paid by the word or doing heavy self-promotion. I almost expect Harry to begin reading a Harry Potter book.

She also reuses the plot from Book 2. Harry once again finds himself with an object that gives him directions from an unknown hand. You would think that he would be wary of picking up another object, but he just plunges in, even though Hermoine keeps saying how much she disagrees with it.

Character perception is another problem. Even though Harry has been right for everything up until now, even though everyone refers to him as The Chosen One, even though he has no reasons to lie and is acknowledged as seeing things, nobody believes him. This is ridiculous. Rowling is forced to make very smart characters inconceivable unperceptive in order to make her plot work. Overall, it's disappointing.

That being said, it does end well. It seems that Rowling gets out of unnecessary exposition land somewhere around page 510, making the last hundred and fifty or so pages an enjoyable read, with the pace, tone, characters, and voice consistent with what we expect of Harry Potter book.

I will grudgingly read Book 7 because I care about the Potter crew. But it would be great if it would cut to the chase.

Brandi Larsen is the editor of BookADay.

Fiction/Mystery/Humor/Unclassifiable: SOMETHING ROTTEN

THE BARE FACTS
Title: Something Rotten
Author: Jasper Fforde
Publisher: Viking
Date of Publication: 2004
Pages: 389
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: B

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…
Detective Thursday Next leaves the Book World to return to Swindon and de-eradicate her husband Landen once and for all.

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
Well, I read the first three books in the series, so it seemed like the logical next step.

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
Worked out fine for me. Might not work out so good for you, since there’s a very real chance you won’t know what the heck is going on. Ostensibly mysteries, Fforde’s books combine police procedural, alternative history, fantasy, obscure literary references, and that peculiarly British brand of dry humor into a great big mishmash. To truly know what the heck is happening with our heroine, Thursday Next, you probably have to start with her first adventure, The Eyre Affair (in which she rescues Jane Eyre – the character -- from the clutches of a nasty criminal), and follow her into her experiences in Jurisfiction, policing the many crimes taking place within books (this being the subject of the next two volumes, Lost In a Good Book and The Well of Lost Plots). Because by the time you get to this book, she has been through an awful lot. And everything has been so carefully plotted out, elements from the first book finally pay off here. There is the feeling of a stunt about the whole endeavor, but it’s a really impressive stunt.

When I finished Something Rotten, my initial feeling was that this wasn’t Fforde at his best. Very good, but not quite the dizzying heights of Lost in a Good Book. But it has stuck with me since then, and I think that’s because it’s the capstone to what the Alien people would call a quadrilogy. (Because I turn to the makers of science fiction franchises for all my four-dollar words.) It has the burden of tying up a lot of loose ends, incorporating characters and situations from three previous books, and still functioning on its own. And it does all pay off. That’s a real credit to Thursday Next, a terrific heroine and a strong anchor in a very chaotic universe, as well as a credit to Fforde’s inventiveness, and the way he manages to create satirical situations that he’s taking very seriously at the same time. I have no idea where his brain came up with some of this stuff, but it’s fun just to ride along.

Fforde is hinting that future books will be stand-alone adventures, which certainly makes sense, given how hard he must have worked to put everything together. But it’s also a shame, because the scale he’s working on in these books is often breathtaking. You hate to see someone aiming small after seeing what they can do big.

SHOULD I READ THIS?
This is definitely a series that you should start at the beginning. Like coming in at the midway point of a TV season, this is probably a book you could enjoy cold if you just resigned yourself to the fact that some things aren’t going to make sense. You also have to like books. Not just plots and stories, but the very construction of books. Movies and TV shows often break the fourth wall, but Fforde’s series piles self-reference upon self-reference, the literary equivalent of standing between two mirrors and watching yourself reflected into infinity. But the entire four-book series is such an intricately-plotted, cleverly-intertwined reading experience (the best analogue I can give you is Douglas Adams), I think you’re doing yourself an injustice if you don’t make the attempt. There is nothing like it in fiction today. Read it – after you’ve read the first three. It’s worth the effort.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor to The Greenroom.